Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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