I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
