I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
