How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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