When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
