Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I will die if light touches me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
