how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
