Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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