Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
