I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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