Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
