how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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