So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I touched a dick in church today
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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