i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
