dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
