my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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