Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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