You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
