The best revenge is premature balding
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
