I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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