this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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