In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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