yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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