i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
