we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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