well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
