Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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