I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
