Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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