She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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