we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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