Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
