i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How does it feel to date your dad?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
