dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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