Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
