You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
