Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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