yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
