Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
