How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize