And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
