peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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