Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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