Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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