Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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