why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
