Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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