I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
