I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
