My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
