I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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