he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
