I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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