I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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