he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
