Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
