go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
