census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
