she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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