The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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