you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
