I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
