Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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