Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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