Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
