hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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