Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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