We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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