It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
