FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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