On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
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