Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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