areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
