All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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