I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize