Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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